after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
whose parrot is this?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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