i was born a porn star she said
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
