you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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