brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
