READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
