She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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