i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
