It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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