I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I pour the whiskey from now on
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
