WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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