We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he puts the penis in happiness.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
