You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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