Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
