my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
