Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
