New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
