So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
