I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
