check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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