last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
