babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my shit smells like andre
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
