Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
