ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
