Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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