My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
