I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
