and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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