Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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