You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
