Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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