it hurts more in the daytime
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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