Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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