I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
