Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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