we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
