There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
