So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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