Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
