So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
