i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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