ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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