don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
