I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
