My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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