He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
