oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
