I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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