i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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