What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
