Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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