I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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