Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
