Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
