Who did Billy Mays play for?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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